Fixer
by Uriel Falcon
Summary: She'll be fine... She just needs a fixer. DARK, VIOLENT, contains CS. Sometimes pushing too far leads to an edge.


Fixer

This story was inspired by a phrase I heard yesterday. "She's fine, just needs a fixer."  
Shout out to MBInc, Beta master!

!

Nick stared over the break room table at his co-worker, watching silently and taking in the disturbing scene before him. Darkened, soulless eyes staring right through the table in front of her and hair falling down over her face resulting from her slouched posture. Her hands looked clammy and cold, her nails lacking any form of polish. She had bruises all around her neck, and had a fairly large shiner. Nick leaned over, grasping his friend's hands with his own.

"Listen, Catherine. I know we've been growing apart since you got your promotion, but we need to talk. What's going on here? If you're in some sort of danger, I'd like to help you, but I can't if you don't explain what's going on." Catherine looked up slowly, a crooked grin on her face.

"Nick, believe me, it's not what you think. It wasn't her fault, I shouldn't have pushed her so far. I wanted to make her snap, make her scream in anger and tell me what the bloody fuck was going on. I... I didn't expect her to break so far, though. But even then, as she struggled for restraint, I still kept pushing..." Catherine spoke out, her voice in cracked sobs. Nick leaned in closer, still wanting more of the story. She let out a huff of laughter.

"I just... I couldn't stop myself from saying what I did. It was like something was driving me to do it, to get her to snap. When it happened... God, I didn't even see it coming. She whipped around and clogged me in the eye. Then I remember being shoved up against the wall with her hands around my neck. I feel so bad, she was screaming at me to just drop it, but I wouldn't... I guess I paid for that, didn't I?" Catherine explained, tears flowing freely now. Nick's eyes were wide, taking in all the information.

"Catherine, let's go to your office... I want you to tell me what you said to her." Nick guided Catherine to her office, seating her down on the plush couch. Catherine leaned back, rubbing her eyes. Nick eyed the bruises. He found that it wasn't as bad as he had originally thought, but it was still horrible to look at. Fingerprint-sized bruises in the form of a grasping hand around Catherine's slender neck.

"I suppose I should start from the beginning..."

_It had been a cold night. I went over to see her, because I hadn't heard from her in a few days. It's kind of hard, not talking to the one you would give your life up for. Anyway, I went up the stairs to her apartment, and decided that this time I would knock._

_Nobody answered, and I got worried and knocked harder. I heard a grumble and a few clunks, and Sara finally opened the door. God, she looked horrible, a mess of tired drunkenness. She had a beer dangling from her hand, and a smoke from her lips. She was wearing shorts and a muscle shirt, and she looked fairly pissed to see me. _

_I guess that's my fault. I was pretty cruel to her over Eddie's case, and it essentially ruined our carefully constructed relationship. It still hurts, knowing that I threw away all that trust... I know it's hard for her to trust, and I don't know how I managed to let myself fuck this all up so bad. Anyway, I asked if I could come in, and she let me, though she didn't look too pleased. She just slumped on the couch, and started working on her beer again._

"_Sara... Listen, I know I made a mistake but I'd-" I didn't get very far into my sentence._

"_Catherine, don't even fucking try. I'm sorry I couldn't solve Eddie's case, and I'm sorry I fucked up your perfect circle of a life, but right now I don't exactly need the one thing I want being flaunted in my face!" Her voice had been raised, angry, and overall very intimidating. Needless to say, I was shocked that she would raise her voice to me. She had never done it in that way before. I guess something clicked in me, and I got angry._

"_Well of course I'm going to try, I love you, and if I didn't, I wouldn't fucking be here! Yes, I am angry about Eddie, but I'll get over it. And as for a perfect circle of a life, you're part of that circle, even though you don't feel it!" I yelled back, just as angry. That's when something in her snapped, something darker than what she's shown me before. You guys probably never noticed, but I've been getting closer to her core, trying to figure out what has gone on in her life. Now that's gone, I suppose._

_Sara shot up all of a sudden, towering over me. The anger in her eyes was fiery, but something else was behind it. I didn't know what it was at the time, but now I think I've figured it out. She was re-living something. Something painful. I stood up too, not wanting to be belittled so easily. I suppose it's pride from when I was a dancer... Never wanting to be outdone. _

"_Part of the circle? Catherine, I don't even think you realize what you're doing to me! I'll admit it now, I'm human, I can't just be pulled in and then pushed away at your command! You're tearing me apart, giving me love, then ripping it all away! You make me feel like fucking shit!" Sara's voice just continued to raise, and at the time I didn't notice the tears in her eyes. I was suddenly enraged, I didn't even know why._

"_Make you feel like shit, how do you think I feel? I'm trying hard to keep this together but you're not so charitable when it comes to letting me in, either! Dammit, I don't know what the fuck happened to you, but something's changed! I know I'm a bitch, but how the hell did I drive you to this so quickly? What the fuck did this to you, I thought you were stronger than this!" I couldn't stop myself from saying it, the words just spilled from my voice with anger and spite. _

_I was a complete fool when I did that. I should have known something had changed when she completely deflated, her anger just disappeared. Her eyes darted around at the floor, but she seemed to be looking right through everything. Sara looked up at me, and that's when I saw that her eyes had died._

_"I've been this all my life, it just takes a little push to show what I am. And I'm sorry that you have to see it." Her voice was very cold, defensive. God, Nick, I just should have left it alone._

_"Why are you sorry? What are you hiding, Sara? I just want to know-"_

_"Well I don't, okay? There are just some things that aren't meant to be uncovered!" Her voice raised again, and now she was pacing from foot to foot. I didn't notice that she does this when she's at the breaking point. I guess there are a lot of things that I just didn't notice. So, as always, I just kept pushing._

_"Sara, when are you going to let me in? What the fuck happened to you?" I moved towards her, trying to touch her, trying to get close, anything to keep the communication lines open. She just shut down, and curled away from me, tried to escape. I stepped way closer, and I grabbed her wrist. She gave me a very dark look, that remembering one again. _

_"I can't let you in. I let you in just a little bit, and you turned it around and shoved trust down my throat. And now you expect me to tell you what turned me into what I am? Catherine, I love you so fucking much it hurts to know that I'll never be able to tell you, for the sake of you. So with all due respect, this is the one time I'm going to ask you. Back off." That pissed me off. How could she say she loved me, but not let me in? Am I really that bad, Nick? Fuck, I don't want to believe I am, but she looked so angry. This is when it got ugly..._

_"If you love me, why won't you tell me? Fuck, just tell me what the hell happened to you! I know I'm a bitch, but just fucking open up, it's killing you!" I screamed, getting right up in her face. Something snapped in her, something brought on by alcohol and my forcefulness. She shoved me against the wall, grabbing my wrists and forcing them beside my head. Sara was breathing in my ear, I could feel her shaking, trying to loosen her grip on my wrists. For a minute, I was terrified, but then I was angry that she had shoved me. I didn't even listen to her warning._

_"Catherine, fucking drop it, NOW. I can't... I won't be able to control myself, I'm way too drunk, too angry. Please, just drop it." I didn't listen. She pushed away, stumbling back. I went right for her heart._

_"I'm not going to fucking drop it, you're shutting down on me! Do you even care about what you're doing, drinking and disappearing? The guys are worried, Lindsey is worried, I'm worried! Fuck, Sara, do you even see what's going on around you, or is the bottle more important?" The final straw snapped, and Sara's hand connected with my forehead, sending me into the wall. I don't remember if her hand was in a fist or not, but god it stung. In an instant, I felt her hands around my neck, forcing me up the wall. I was off my feet, my only support was her body pinning me against the wall. _

_I clawed at her arms, but there wasn't much I could do. Her eyes were twisted in anger and hatred, her mouth curled into a snarl. Tears were running down her cheeks. I was terrified, I thought she was going to kill me. I felt the air in my lungs leave me, and I thought it was over. I closed my eyes, awaiting the end. But before I started to get too dizzy, she released me, backing away quickly. I slowly slid to the ground, choking and trying to get as much air back in my lungs as possible. She was in the other corner, curled tightly into herself, shaking like a leaf. I couldn't see her face, it was hidden by her hair. I could hear her crying, sobbing about what an animal she was, among other things. I got up, and I left._

_When I got home, I tried to clean up so that Lindsey wouldn't ask questions. And now I'm here..._

"Nick, I'm so worried she's going to do something to herself, but I don't want to go back alone, I'll just push her too far again. Please, will you come with me to fix this?" Catherine asked, looking at Nick with watery eyes. He nodded.

"Of course, but Catherine, are you sure you don't want to do anything about this professionally? If you're scared of her..." Catherine shook her head.

"No, I'm not scared of her, I'm scared for her. Nick, this has never happened before, she's not violent." Catherine explained, leading Nick to her car. Nick slipped into the passenger's seat.

"Alright, I understand. Let's get going." Nick stayed silent during their trip, thinking over what he had heard. Sara seemed to have been very defensive and protective. If she was anything like what Grissom had secretly told him, they had to get there, and fast. When they reached her apartment building, both practically ran up the stairs to her apartment. Nick banged on the door, waiting for an answer. When there was none, he knocked again, this time calling out for her. There was no sound of movement, in fact, there was no sound at all. Catherine fished around in her purse, and found the spare key Sara had given to her. After unlocking the door, they stepped inside.

"Sara?" She called, looking through all of the rooms. Sara was nowhere to be found, and the place was distraught. Beer, cigarette buts and other miscellaneous things lay strew across the living room and the coffee table. There was glass of a broken beer bottle everywhere, and blood in pools along the floor. Nick's eyes widened.

"Wherever she is, she's hurt. There's a fair amount of blood in here. Do you think she took her cell?" Nick asked, watching as Catherine sat down slowly on the couch. She nodded, and Nick pulled out his cell phone, dialing Sara's number.

"Sidle." Came the dark voice from the other end. Nick was surprised at the softness of the voice, it was almost whispery.

"Sara? It's Nick, where are you?" He asked. Her phone was fuzzy, it sounded like she was by a river.

"At home." She lied. Nick growled.

"Actually, I'm at your home, inside to tell you the truth. Now seriously, where are you? You must be injured, there's a lot of blood here." Nick stated, pacing around the kitchen. He heard Sara laugh.

"I'm far away. And my injuries go much deeper than the surface, friend." Nick didn't like the sound of that, her voice was sluggish.

"Sara, please, let me help you. I don't know what your reasons are, but you don't have to tell me, just come back." He pleaded. He heard a laugh.

"I can't. It's too late now... Nick, I've become a monster, you must have seen what I did to Catherine! She didn't deserve it, she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment, she such a beautiful person. Now she's probably bruised up... God, I'm worse than my fucking parents! I snapped, I couldn't tell her what they did to me, I couldn't let her hear that! But she just kept pushing, I couldn't help myself, I just felt the need to hit her! That's worse than the animals! I've become my father, and my mother... There's a murder gene, Nick, we must be born bad... I'm sorry, I can't go on knowing what I've done..." Sara's voice trailed off, leaving Nick in shock.

"Sara, don't say that. You're not bad, you're not evil. You just snapped, you were drinking, it was just a mistake. Sara, please don't give up, come back to us." Nick tried, looking over at Catherine. She was confused, as she had not heard the trailing confession Sara had just made.

"She hates me. I'm worse than Eddie. I couldn't solve her case, I couldn't help Lindsey, I couldn't help them Nick! What good am I to anyone if I can't defend them, if I can't protect them? Nick, I'm worthless to you all, now. I'm just a violent animal waiting to lash out at anything that comes near. I... I don't want to do this to Catherine ever again. I never deserved ever laying eyes on her, let alone to touch her, to fuck her, to love her." Nick didn't like what he heard, it sounded way too close to a suicide confession.

"Sara, she doesn't hate you, I know she doesn't. She's worried about what you're going to do to yourself, I'm worried about what you're going to do to yourself! Sara, I'm begging you, wherever you are, come back to us! We care about you, more than you ever would think." Nick continued to plea, sitting down on the armrest of a large arm-chair.

"...I... I guess I'll try... God, I'm stupid." She mumbled. Nick could hear the rumbling of a car, and figured he might have done it.

"Sara, thank you. We'll be waiting with open arms." The line went dead. Nick snapped his phone shut and turned to Catherine.

"She's coming home. I don't think we should push her too much, though. She could be in rough shape." Nick explained. Catherine nodded slowly, but remained quiet. They stayed silent for an hour, until they both snapped to attention as the door slid open and clicked shut. Sara stepped into the living room. Her hair was messily pulled back, her eyes dark and sunken, her face pale and gaunt. She was wearing a white t-shirt stained with fresh blood, her arms covered in red lines and gashes. Her long legs were fitted inside dark jeans, with blood splattered down them. Sara looked like hell.

When she spotted Catherine, she walked over to her slowly, dropping to her knees and cupping Catherine's face gingerly. Her eyes began welling up, and she placed her forehead against Catherine's, still rubbing the blonds' injuries, mumbling apologies repeatedly.

"Sara, baby, it's okay, calm down, it's going to be alright...I forgive you, Sara..." Catherine replied, running her hands across Sara's arms. She could feel them beginning to welt from the afterburn of the gashes. She pulled Sara into a fiery kiss, trying to ignore her tears and Sara's whimpers. When she pulled away, she looked down at Sara, and saw the broken look in her eyes.

"Cath... Fuck, I'm so sorry..." Sara cried out, her resolve breaking as she dropped her head into Catherine's lap, crying into her stomach, hugging her like she'd run. Catherine stroked her hair, letting her cry. She smiled when she realized Nick had slipped out of the house, probably back to work to explain to Grissom why the two female CSIs were missing.

She'd open up one day. But not today.

END


End file.
